Composers

1 Flowers/Pickett

2 Bill Withers

3 Dr John

4 Flanders/Swann

5 Bacharach/David

6 Bacharach/David

7 Punt/Webley

8 Thomas/Webley

9 MacMurray/Webley

10 d’Abo

Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers

Ma’s out Pa’s out

let’s talk rude

Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers

dance in the garden in the nude

Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers

let’s write rude words all down the street

stick out our tongues at the people we meet

let’s have an intellectual treat

Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers

What kind of talk is The Suns delight

Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers

top shelf filth in every sweetshop in town

Playboy Belly Bum Drawers

the TV shows we love the best

and Hollywood stars without a vest

the type of talk from a chat show guest

Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers

Lily Savage is topping the bill

Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers

Christopher Robin meets Fanny Hill

Pooh Bear Belly Bum Drawers

the super models who bare their all

and the Groucho Mafia having a ball

still the higher the brow

the harder they fall

Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers

Serious talking after dark

Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers

new dead composers Bach to Bach

Puccini Belly Bum Drawers

in the hip hop scene to the world of pop

they get their words from the porno shop

things seem to start

where they used to stop

Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers

Grandad

over 30 years ago remember

always seems to come around December

the years they go so fast

memories always last

thoughts of when I was a boy

with new Cortinas on the street driving

and local policemen on the beat cycling

television black and white (then colour came)

to watch the Sweeney have a fight

Magpie and Bernie the Bolt

Grandads Grandads are lovely

they’re here to look after you

Grandads Grandads are lovely

and I watched a man on the moon

with my Grandad (gawdblessya Fred)

my first flight on an aeroplane flying

we were going out to sunny Spain frying

and every Sunday had a bath

and Tommy Cooper made me laugh

Eric and Ernie as well

the world has changed a lot since then, sadly

but I would do it all the same again, gladly

and I hope tomorrows future brings

peace and health and happy things

and God bless the whole of the world

cause we need it

Grandads Grandads are lovely

they’re here to look after you

Grandads Grandads are lovely

ever and faithful and true

Grandads Grandads are lovely

and Herbie wrote this one for you

and at the door was Ken Pickett

Grandads Grandads are lovely

that’s what we all think of you

1: Grandad

2: Grandma’s Hands

3: I Walk on Guilded Splinters

4: P** P* B**** B** D******

5: Alfie

6: Alfie

7: Ding Dang Dong

8: Nuke the Whales

9: Beating with Blood

10: Handbags & Gladrags

Grandad

recorded live at Great Linford Manor studios, with a load of my mates and all them pesky kids from down my street. I spent two years as a teenager sitting alongside Herbie, learning what it was like to sit next to a top class session player. He always said nobody would do a version of Grandad, but he was wrong. I’ve turbo charged it from a fragile waltz into a well oiled twist

Grandmas Hands

if you wanna have me Jesus, it’s alright

I Walk on Guilded Splinters

Graham Dee letting rip with that Voodoo

Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers

when I began school, music was considered a cultural necessity NOT a middle class privilege. So when the schools music master dropped dead a replacement had to be found. Luckily enough, the father of one of my class mates, Rachel was pianist in the Westend and he filled in for a while. His name was Donald Swann and he would segue Bach Gavottes into Love Me Do, and sang songs that were so funny stuff came out of my nose. It was that moment, aged 6, when I realised the power held in those black and white keys. As soon as I became a Dad I began to pay my dues by going into schools to give music workshops and assemblies. And at every single one of the hundreds I’ve done, I’ve sung this song to great hilarity

Alfie

100 mph version. Burt and his lawyer love it

Alfie instrumental

apart from Debbie Poysers delightful BV’s at the beginning, this is what was recorded, live, second take, at the back end of a jingle session using up the final 30 minutes of paid studio time and session musicians. What was the jingle? Are you kidding!

Ding Dang Dong

the ultimate Euro winner, as penned for Graham Nortons Eurovision masterclass.

Lyrics by Steve Punt

Nuke the Whales

a bit of bad taste

Beating with Blood

from the Channel4 series The Last Chancers

Handbags and Gladrags

the instrumental version of the Office Theme, recorded in my front room

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